Imbalc 2024

 

    Happy January! I am sorry I've not been writing blog posts quite as frequently. My life has temporarily spun out of control. Now I am back and there will be even bigger changes. Most of these, you will not see. Some are changes to where I've chosen to put my time and energy online. Most of this change is a desire to become much quieter online and more peaceful. I want to be less professional and allow myself to just play. I want to interact less online. This is not, because I do not love it, but now I have different needs in my life. There was a day when I had all the time in the world to post and nothing else to do in the world. Yes, I admit, no life. Now things have changed, and I am in a better place now.

    That is why, this upcoming Imbalc will be about celebrating the transition in to the abundance of Spring again, instead of focusing more on what exactly I need to do in my future, or in my past, more so than other years. There has been lots of releasing to do first. That is what this post will be about with a brief breakdown of how I plan on celebrating. I will try to keep my personal issues brief and just get to the magic of it all. While I am still working towards creating a practice with the Norse Pantheon, other Goddesses and areas of my practice have needed attention. As the season changes, I am hoping to doing most of these gestures outside. 

    I have experienced many friendship breakups during the Winter. One friend came back, but I am still feeling reluctant. I was learning to accept that it should be more about my friends and not me. I hadn't realized that until this started happening. I saw the same tendency with my bonds to spirits, deities, guides, ect. I still can't quite get used to the balance of power. I want to take this understanding in to how I plan and do my rituals. It was not just my Christian background that made me feel this way. there were lots of things I won't discuss here that made me feel less than. Even though, I healed that part of myself, I am still carrying it in my habits and in to my practice. This was going on for several months and has inspired the start of this blog. I needed to get down to the nitty-gritty and in an open honest way, re-asses myself as a witch. 

    The truth is, I do not like drawn out rituals. Perhaps this is because I am still uncomfortable with this strange understanding of the balance in relationships in general. There is a trauma I thought I got passed when making offerings to deities. I cropped up again and I had to go within and face it. I will black out all of a sudden, with no warning. Anxious feelings of that I have done something to betray the Gods will hit me. It is almost like a flash back. It could be very possible I had a past life making an unfortunate decision. I always see myself taking offerings to a religious altar. When it comes time to feast at the end or libate the offerings, I freeze up. It takes a while before I can move. As much as I hate to do this, I prepare to stop what I am doing and calm down. Sometimes I will stop the ritual and come back to it when I feel ready. this has not happened in years. My guess is that it happened again with the Norse Gods, because I was so nervous doing something completely different than what I am used to. This can make a ritual awkward and I had to take time to reprogram myself to make it ok. I've heard religious leaders say you should give all of yourself to the Gods, even your mistakes. One of them told me, "Well then. Give'em something to look at," but that still did not make it better. I had to go back to my rule of thumb. When it is not ok, make that ok. This is why I will start celebrating in small gestures. 

    After I thought about it, a ritual can be made of small gestures. I think what I need to cut out of a ritual, are the things like reading a story or a really long script that do nothing to add to the ritual. If I am reading to a God, I will, of course, include this. Long formal rituals are not my thing. Music seems to help me get in to the right state of mind. When starting out with new connections, I don't see any reason a ritual needs to be huge, unless the deity requests something big of you or you want to make a grand gesture to get their attention. Right now, this is all so new for me, so tapping in to my tiny witch's intuition, I decided to make a ritual out of small gestures to deities I want to be closer to. That is the point of it for me, to cultivate a relationship and commune with them. I rarely ask anything of them, unless I feel comfortable or there is a need. Even then, once I ask them, I generally do something physical to symbolize what I want, to do my part in the magic. I put more effort in to it than need be, because I don't want to rely on them. I often clear my mind of me asking, as though I never have. This also helps me let go of trying to control the results and opens me to hear what will happen. Many of them share likenesses, so I also put something together to celebrate them all. Most of all, my rituals will have to be for myself, right now. 

    A fellow Youtuber, Lennan Smith talked about marrying her witchcraft and that got me thinking. That's why I've felt so lost. My relationships and reason for doing the craft is different. I plan on doing her tag #whywitchcraft, pretty soon. Those questions led me to an unseen question of my unconscious mind. What I had been rolling over and over in my mind was, why am I still practicing? What am I practicing for? What am I really wanting to do? Originally, I started for my own healing and self-care. I wanted to protect others once I had the knowledge. I wanted to look after newbies and muggles. Then there was a period of feeling lost. I was doing without meaning. I was looking for the spark again. That spark wasn't in any action or ritual I was practicing. I had not considered how I wanted my religion to feel or how I wanted to feel in it. 

    I was not being honest with myself about who I was. When I was little, I always heard the phrase "You're too sensitive" and "You gotta tough'n up!" After a while I started finding my way by finding joy in things I hadn't before, but it hadn't stopped there. I thought if I just got to a certain point I wouldn't have to prove myself. It was as though I needed to see how deep the hole went or maybe how deep was too deep. It stopped at Luciferianism. After renewing my relationship with my past traumas and feeling through who Lucifer actually was, I found I could go no further. Although, I had been very outspoken about questioning what demons actually were, and had many relationships with those types of spirits, I was not ready to start working with them. There was a great need to go back to my innocence. After such a long trek, I had forgotten where I had come from. Nothing around me seemed right. So this is the plan. 

    To celebrate this new beginning and emptiness, I started taking things slowly off my Winter Altar once I was ready. I always wanted to give a gift basket to deity, or even to the Goddess withing, so as I burn Brigit's candle for one last time this year, I will also be starting my Singing, honoring Ceredwen. I know I've said this for way too long now. I stopped trying to figure out all the apps and equipment and decided to just do it. I also feel Imbalc,this transitional period, is a much better way to think of her, because she is magic and transition, rather than in April. The Spring can start sometimes earlier than Imbalc where I live, so I will also be following what the Earth tells me, with the exception of honoring Brgit, because that has been a tradition for a long time. I loke celebrating with several small ritualistic gestures over the seasonal period and doing something big on the day of or important days that make up the sabbat. It is difficult to say goodbye after a ritual, so Ilike to spend as much time with spirits, deities, land spirits, as I can before the next season arrives. 

    I will be placing all of the things I hold dear, treasures I find, or have, and some things I've made in to the basket. I am hoping to create a new wand for myself. I felt so magical trimming the roses. It is those simple things that feel the most magical to me. I was gifted a good sturdy piece. I used an emery board to files down the points and cut the tips, so the rose could still carry some of the protective qualities. I will be using the tips in another spell. I am also stepping up and planning to honor Mielikki and Ukko this year. With that said, I am still working with fictional spirits, so I'm hoping to have Drizzt around in the Spring. I took out the abundance card as a representation of the unicorns I want to work with. I just put a few crystals on my altar, including my Obsidian big cat figurine that kinda reminds of Guen, Drizzt's cat companion, and called it done. I want to have as little on the altar as possible to depict the place I am at right now. 

    Many smaller gestures will be made, but I prefer to keep those private. I am really excited to start off the new year feeling this sure and strong. Breakups and changes are always hard for me, but mostly, because I always fear what if I'm not doing the right thing. This time, I am sure. As far as my completely new connections, we'll just have to wait and see what happens. Thank you so much for reading. I write these posts for myself, but it always means a lot when someone else does. 

Blessed Be 💜

I think this song is perfect for this transition. It was one of my favorites growing up, and I hope you enjoy it. It's called Jumper by Third Eye Blind. 

Heal Your Future Potential Birth Spell

    One of the hardest things to talk about is how my disability prevents me from having children. I do not mean to take away anyone else's choice in having children or judge them for their unwillingness to give up on the possibility. However, sometimes there are things you can't control. It can be unfair and detrimental to your child if their birth is forced to happen. Their quality of life will sometimes be low, if a developmental problem or chronic illness is genetic. It is important to reflect on why you want a child. For me, it is to start a new line that has learned a karmic lesson I believe is behind my family's genetic auto-immune diseases. I needed a spell that adapt to this. After looking up some healing and fertility spells, I realized I could easily make one. 

    Any spell can be adjusted and customized to meet your needs, so the spell I created can be a guide to help you create your own. Because there is so much on the line when creating new life in to the world, and so much we don't always know, like when the right moment might be, I wanted to allow the magic to do what is best. In 2012, I connected with two possible children while living with who is now my ex. One looked exactly like me, and the other did not have a face. I only saw a shadow of a little boy outlined in white. I never got the chance to try to have those children. 

    When I reflected on this years later, I decided my little girl was trying to warn me that if she came in to being, she would have the same life as me. In the dream world, she seemed very happy and healthy. The shadow child was an unlikely possibility. He could have been a miscarriage. My little girl instructed me to name her Skylar. I would call her Sky. That vision stayed with me and no matter who I was with, I kept my little girl in mind. This has been one of the driving reasons I have tried so hard to heal myself. I was told not too long ago I must go get tested and examined. Depending on what they find, I must make a choice of weather to ontinue in the health state I am at currently, or allow them to remove some things. This means, I must prepare myself to make a very hard decision, weather to hold out hoping for a child, or permanently stop my body from giving birth. The thought of not having kids breaks my heart. I always knew I would never be capable to doing so, but I like to know my body is still capable of giving birth. With all the talk about the problematic emphasis on fertility magic in Wicca, I thought this was a really good subject to write about. I wish it had come up before Halloween, to give me more time, but I was told this very sad news, exactly on Samhain. I also thought it would be good to talk about as so many people seem to be having trouble having children. 

    When going to the fertility clinic and various organizations to help people with disabilities, none had support groups for people that could not have children, because of their disability. the clinic told me I had to have a partner or be trying to have a baby before they would help me. the only books recommended were how to become fertile, not about accepting your body for what it is in its current state. I needed a guide to help me, so I had to make one. I could do a fertility spell on myself, but it did not help me learn to accept myself. that's why this spell is meant to be done slowly over time. You can stop this spell if you receive a message or guidance that changes things. You can even extend it from 9 nights to 9 months. This allows for more meditation and reflection. the purpose of this spell is to heal your potential for giving birth to heal your future child. Giving birth takes a lot of work, so this is not a quick fix-it spell. This is a very long building up of magic.

    I call this spell Heal Your Future Potential Birth Spell, because it is a very unique intention. It is a great way to set yourself and your unborn child up for a good healthy future, not matter in what lifetime that may be. We can not be sure we've completed our karmic lessons and adding in family karma means more parties will be taken in to account in the decision to create new life in the family line. I feel this spell embodies the sensitivity and the personal intention I need. This spell is created to be done over 9 nights. I hope it inspires you to come up with your own. Some aspects and symbolism of this spell, I chose not to share. Some are way to personal and it is important to protect myself and my magic from magical harm. I will not be sharing pictures or photos either, like I do normally. Please let me know if you've had any experience, ideas, or success with a similar spell in the comments below. 

Ingredients:
` mint tea leaves
` a key
` an orange crystal egg [representation of your unborn child.]
` a cat whisker
` a teacup
` a green Opal
` a green cloth
` a green ribbon
` rose petals 

Instructions:

Step 1: [First Night] Creating a Link:

Take the carved egg and breath with it on your belly. Ask it if it would be your representation before you start, if you haven't mad3 it yourself. Meditate with it and breath in to it. Allow your energies to merge. The egg will tell you when this process is complete. Take it and roll it in to the cloth. Fold the cloth four times. Wrap the ribbon gently around it four times. You will need to take it out and rewrap it later, so not too tight.

say: "May you come in to being when the time is appropriate for us all. 

Then may you be a blessing to us all!

for the greatest good of all!"

Step 2: Commune With Your Child:

Say' "It is done!"

Place it under your pillow. This is important, so you can receive any information that might help you with your spell.

Step 3 [Second Night] The Healing:

Make yourself some tea. Be sure to set half the dry tea aside.  Use a prosperity rather than health, because you want the effects to last. You can use a cinnomon stick to stir it with. Stir in a symbol or sigil for your intention. I will be using runes myself. Imagine that intention flowing from your heart dancing in to the cup. Place the green Opal or stone of choice on the saucer or by your cup. You can sprinkle half your Rose petals around your cup. If they are safe to consume, you could add them to your tea blend. Red roses will be better for women's health and vitality. Wave the cat whisker over the tea.

Step 4: Open the Door:

Turn your key clockwise over the cup as if opening a door and say: 

"I open myself to receive.

I walk through to new ways of living

Embody new ways of being

I am healed. I believe.

Step 5: drink your tea, leaving a few drops at the bottom. As you drink listen for any messages from spirit guides, deities, or things your body may tell you. Feel the warmth spread throughout your body.

Say, "It is done!"

Step 6: Fertilize Your egg:

If your egg will not desolve, in water, you can place it directly in the water. If not, place it above the cup. This is linking your health to the health of the unborn child. Sprinkle the water on the egg or on the cloth. Sprinkle the tea in to the cloth. Wave your cat whisker over the egg slowly. If you know it, say your child's name out loud. Wrap your egg back up and stick the whisker on top or tie it in to the ribbon. Careful not to put time constraints in your intention. 

Step 7 Close Your Door:

At this point it is important to remember to close up your door. You can lock it by turning your key counterclockwise, twice or more. You may also want to clap your hands or snap over the cup to protect your magic.DO NOT FORGET this step. 

Step 8 Dream! Dream! Dream!:

Place it back under your pillow.

Say "It is done!

Step 9 The Offering:

Offer the water and spell remains to the earth in a sacred place and thank her for their help. You can also scatter the rea in to your garden.

Say "be it so!" 

Celebrating the Light of Sumer 2023

NEVER FORGET TO LAUGH, APPRECIATE THOSE STUNNING MOMENTS IN YOUR BACKYARD, ESPECIALLY WITH CLOSE LOVED ONES! 

 

🥀❤️🍉

This may sound silly, but it meant a whole lot to me. As I was watching the last bit of the sunlight go down, saying a bit of a late quiet goodbye to Freyr. [Midsummer seemed to start a little late too this year, so why not,] a friend started singing Welcome to Valhalla. I burst out laughing. He saw it brought a smile to my face and continued. I looked at him suddenly with a lightbulb on my brow. I found a video and started singing with him. I sang like we sing the sun up during Winter Solstice. I laughed, I cried, and laughed at how silly I looked, attempting some of the moves from the game. I made myself dizzy, I nearly fell to the ground. That's when I realized why lawns are so popular. lol 

I AM WELL AWARE SOME OF THE POP-CULTURE REPRESENTATIONS OR ASPECTS OF THE Norse Gods presented may be inaccurate and sometimes insulting. I know this is totally not how to work with Freyr traditionally and I know what the song is about, but I felt he would appreciate the laughter, as opposed to my sadness. I felt suddenly spiritually moved at really the wrong time and went with it. I KNEW TOO, HE WOULD BE BACK AND I could honor him in Winter. Still, but this year felt so slow, and I felt as though we've only just met. I needed something to make me laugh too. I sang Freyr a welcome to Valhalla.

He knows what's in my heart and knows I know the truth, HOW TO HONOR HIM RIGHTLY. He knows I've never been able to let my primal self out. He knows I never learned to play. That's exactly what this song did for me. Though, I skipped over some words and made a parody of sorts, like seeing someone off. I began adding my own movements unconsciously, releasing my gratitude and love in the air. This is the first time I have ever given myself space to do this. There is a time to be serious and anyone, who follows the Norse path knows this all too well. This, however, was a time to celebrate each other and appreciate the last bits of this stunningly beautiful and breezy Sumer night. It was a time to appreciate the rare finding of this huge watermelon with seeds. I hoped in my heart the earth was showing signs of thriving again.

Maybe it was the Watermellon cooler I was drinking, maybe the singing, or the beautiful bush changing its leaves for the new season, but I felt Freyr laughing loudly with us. I felt him surround us. I could truly put meaning behind thanking him for giving up his life and becoming the wild boar. It changed my perspective of cycles, the seasons, and even death. It is easy to say, "there are no goodbyes, only time," but how many of us actually feel this concept? Most of all, I realized I have the bestest friend in the world, who gave me a safe space to express my childish wild side! The best spiritual moments always happen at the wrong times, in the quiet moments when the world lays still, as if the world stops for you to tap in as deeply as you can in to these great revelations. Traditions don't matter in the end unless your hearts and speech are full of love and the best intents. The best traditions are the ones we make with the best memories. Again, this is much easier to say than it is to feel. In those moments of feeling, the God, the season, and the sun became one. I looked at a beautiful hole in the trees that broke out in to a vast blue sky. This tradition, my tradition, will be called Sing to the Sky. Next year, I'll have a song ready. I'll be honest. If nothing else, it helped me transition in to Autumn much better. I haven't felt so spiritually moved since the pandemic started in 2019. What made this experience all the more perfect was that others were enjoying it with me. It did not matter what I saw or what they felt or didn't feel from it. I finally felt like I could enjoy the last bit of Sumer with loved ones, each in our own ways. 

I wanted to share this with all of you, because I thought someone might benefit from reading this, whether they still find it difficult to let themselves go in their magical practice, or someone needs to hear someone else validate their experience. It is very hard to be A Tiny Witch in this crazy time period. We still need to be as free as we want to be while still being just as educated. Often, we are not taken seriously. Other times our serious worries about are VERY SERIOUS PRACTICE, can get in the way. We can get in our own way and allow others to as well. I think having a little fun and engaging in silly pop-culture representations of the Gods can be healthy, so long as you and them, have that understanding and type of relationship. In my personal opinion, these pop-culture references are what keep the Gods still alive in our world. They have the ability to change and warp the story. That's something to become more aware of, but they also keep the stories alive. 

Blessed Be 💓